NOTES FROM MY LIFE

NOTES ON MY LIFE

1. 1995
I score an 82 in my Maths exam. I am over the moon, so is my Ma for she cannot believe, as can I, that I found my way around numbers. But then my Baba comes home for lunch, goes through my answer script, smirks, ruffles my hair and says I could have scored another 10 marks in the paper.


At seven, my Baba taught me not to give myself certificates unless they are warranted.


2. 1998
I am at Gujrat Sports House in Ahmedabad crying openly in the shop wanting that Yonex Tennis racquet worth 3000 rupees. My Baba resolutely refuses, keeps looking for a substitute while my Ma holds my hands, never once consoling me. After an hour of needless drama from my side, I emerge out of the shop with a racquet less than half the price of the desired Yonex racquet, less fancy but good enough for a decent novice player like me.


At ten, I was taught that all demands may just remain demands and not all demands would demand a conversion to results.


3. 1999
I am being shipped off to the Scindia School, and I am off to another shopping spree for the long list of demands that a boarding school stay requires. I never till then owned a Nike, Reebok or Adidas. Never ever demanded one, but on that day my Baba takes me to this fancy shop and as a eleven year old my dream comes true when he buys me my first Reebok shoe. Before that day the closest I had come to a fancy shoe was playing with a guy next to me on the court with him slipping effortlessly into one.


At eleven, I learnt that sometimes patience is a virtue and what you secretly wish for might just come true when the moment is opportune enough for it to materialise. At eleven, I learnt to wait......


4. 2002
Boarding school, Grade 9, I am struggling academically and socially. Help is at hand through not from any friend. I am to blame for it all, and my Baba patiently heard my cries, he did his part, explaining me through it all, speaking to my ever helpful Housemaster but if there was something to be done it had to be done by me.


At fourteen, I was taught that a clap requires both hands, that I was to be responsible for my own actions, and that whatever age, a mess created by you has to be cleaned by you and no one else.


5. 2004
Academics is at all an all time low. My Baba seems to have given up, I don’t know where to head, but my Ma keeps giving me that unflinching look of encouragement every morning when I head to school and every afternoon when I come home. In the end 2005 brings good news....


At 16, I learnt that there is always that one person who is your bedrock, the foundation of all your strength and these people come from the unlikeliest of quarters. As for me my Ma could never have been a positive person but somehow she showed encouragement, not in words but in her aura. At sixteen, I learnt my Ma is my strength and that we all have one, just around the corner.


6. 2005
My first academic success, 12th Grade brings me a cool 90%. My Baba is happy, my Ma is ecstatic but I am just about glad that the whole exercise is over.


At seventeen, I realised that an achievement long awaited or long deserved or long overdue brings relief rather than excitement, that the relief always consequences in humbleness which is always desired.


7. 2006
My first year of Law in Pune, my first year with an independent bank account and in three months I have blown a hole through a big deposit which my Baba has placed. Three months in I realised my folly and I ask him to take the excess fat off my account. He refuses... Point blank.


At eighteen, my Baba taught me the value of money, the value of saving and the value of hard work for money. At eighteen, I learnt that it is easy to spend, difficult to earn, and that to teach a few valuable lessons a parent does not mind losing money, as long as the message reaches the right ear.


8. 2007
One of my best friend, who happens to be my mentor, my guide, my icon decides to leave college at the end of the first year. He transfers to a college in Mumbai. I am angry and act out for a long time, not understanding why he did this. I wonder for over a year what has happened in my life though we still kept in touch constantly.


At nineteen, my best friend taught me that a few decisions are tough to make, and tough decisions are generally sound decisions and that sacrificing today’s happiness for tomorrow’s success needs no validation except from the heart of the decision maker.


9. 2007
My first year in an apartment while sharing it with two friends. One disses my existence while the other hates me on my face. I am shocked, I don’t know how to react, how to live in a world where I am not liked at all, not that I am strange to this situation. But I manage, and by the time the following year rolls by I know I have made a friend while I am at peace with the other.


At nineteen, I realise that I won’t be loved by one and all, no matter how hard I try.


10. 2007
He is in love, I see that everyday. She is his best friend but does not realise the depth of his feelings. A point comes when she does; the friendship remains on the fence but never goes beyond. But he still loves her, knowing he will never ever get her, but he still continues to love her.


At nineteen, I was educated that no one falls out of true love, and the ones who do, never ever fell in love in the first place……


11. 2008
After a year of silent disassociation, my best friend and I reconcile in silence. After a year of constant let downs, another best friend blesses me with some sense and good sense does indeed prevail. After a year of hopeless arguments, my third best friend and I bury our past for a new beginning. And due to the proactiveness of another friend we turn and find ourselves on the same page.


At twenty, I leant that no matter the distance, if you are best friends distance will merely remain a word in the dictionary.


12. 2008
He is a fabulous professor, but he is blind. So all we do in his class is plug in music and talk amongst ourselves or do our own thing in silence, never ever listening to his treasure trove of knowledge he has to offer. But not my friend. He would sit up straight, no matter what the distraction, discuss the subject earnestly, and not ever give a single stand-in attendance, not even for his best friends.


At twenty, he taught me that we should never, under any circumstances, no matter what the consequences agree to take advantage of a disability, respect knowledge and specially the one who gives us the knowledge. At twenty, he taught me how shallow I had become and that even in the midst of his best friends he had the courage to stand up for what he felt was right, be unapologetic about it and live his life the way he wanted to.


13. 2009
I am in my fourth year, with friends, it is an established company but no ones really thinks high off me. No one expects anything great from me. I am quiet nameless and faceless. And come one day and I win a friendly poker tournament amongst seven friends, who have been playing for a long while. Everyone is surprised; no one acknowledges my skill, instead raving about my luck. But I know that it was luck with some skill which brought me the big pot.... But no one acknowledges the skill at work.


At twenty-one, I realised that it is a heavenly feeling to be an underdog, that it is ecstasy to constantly surprise people and that it is important to underplay yourself. At twenty-one, I just about realised that it is also important that I don’t drown myself in other people’s perceptions for they are just perceptions, like dust they fly off... And all they need is a brush off, just so that they don’t settle on and leave scars.

THE WIND BENEATH YOUR WINGS

I am here to hold your hand,
In rain, in the dark, and under the sun.....
I am here to see you succeed, to be your soul...
To live your dreams, when some of them dont exist.

I will hold you close to my heart,
Knowing that what you wish for
Can be done, can be achieved....
I will show you the way.

I will hold the candle, while you stride,
The destination is yours, the win is in you,
You have the wings, of scarlet and gold,
And I am the wind beneath your wings......

LOVE, FAITH AND INSPIRATION…….

In my first moments of triumph I counted on my companions,
In this moment of joyous victory, I wished for myself to surrounded……….
When my name was called, I rolled my head back and then took my first walk.
This was my victory dance, as I stood for the world to gaze at me at awe.
In this moment I was surrounded alright but I longed for my companions…
And disappointment was not for me, for I was blessed with their presence.

I wished for Love to be present while I won,
And Love was there with me, he had his arms around me.
Life is all about love for without him I could never glow as the sun wishes me to,
And without love parched I would remain… and a winner is never parched.

I prayed for Faith to be in attendance and they were answered…
For Faith stood with me; clutching my hand as I took my momentary bow………
What is life without a single trace of faith and what living without life?
She gave me an opportunity of victory; she gave me an opportunity to be a winner….

And finally I hoped for Inspiration to beckon my spirits in the destined moment,
He came…. Inspiration arrived and filled my heart with warmth.
For inspiration is the spring of my life, he is the autumn of my breath,
And, he came and swept me with an air of victory, and yes victor I was………….

BACK FROM THE DEAD

She lay gazing at the stars,
Hoping to find his face amongst them,
Wanting to see his eyes,
Feel his glare, his being....
And understand his vision.

And then she finds him,
She mentally re-arranges the stars,
She discovers that pronounced chin she adores,
The sunken cheeks, that stark forehead,
She realises his lips, his smile.... always crooked, a little.

She closes her eyes,
Knowing now that he is by her side,
Looking out for her from above,
Within her, in her being,
She knows now, the two are inseparable.

Her hands lift up, wet with the grass dew,
And she strokes his face,
She smiles, her cold touch turns warm,
She feels his body, close, warm, cosy,
And she knows, she knows... herself and him.

He lies, next to her, his hand on her head,
He plants a soft peck on her closed eyes,
Ans she wraps her arms around him,
She knows he is there,
Even if he is invisible, even when he is not there.

The night passes through,
The sun replaces the stars,
The darkness goes, the hollow white clouds in her place,
And she opens her eyes to the blinding brightness,
Alas..... the dream is broken...

And so she returns to her work,
Her children, his house,
For come night, come darkness, and the stars,
She shall lay on the grass, waiting for him,
For he will return from the dead for her.... one more time.

LOVE IMPOSSIBLE

His hair is ruffled, unruly.... yet it is soft and smooth,
But there is a certain calm in the storm, a quietness.
As I run my fingers through them.........
The stillness in me awakens.
I had them over my knees last night,
He laid them on me as we chatted away with our friends.
It felt good, important, close....
To him, his aura, his being.
And then he abruptly turned his face....
His fair stubbled cheeks rushed on my skin,
I winced, currents of pleasure ripped through me.
The end of his lips, thin, red and soft,
Found me, they fell delicately on my hips, I am taken aback....
I close my eyes, oh how I wish it remains like this.
He looks up at me, I like the attention,
I see his brown eyes, a laughter rising in them.
He recognizes my anxiety, and so he pulls me,
His hands, perpetually warm, burn through me.
He kisses my cheeks, my senses flare.
His fingers rush through my hair,
And I flow in this ecstasy, it is known to me... somehow.

Suddenly, it is morning, the sun warms through,
The sleep is disrupted, the dream is broken.....
And I see him blissfully sleeping next to me,
But the ecstasy remains a dream, for our love is impossible.

MY STARRY SIX-PACK

I am blessed with a six-pack,

It is strong, it is enticing,

It is all what a man wants,

And it is all that life can give.

I never did one crunch to own it,

I never controlled my diet to have them in place,

And I never dreamt that they be mine,

But now that I have them I feel blessed and nothing else.

They are not just a six-pack,

They are the starry six-pack, my best friends,

For they are stars in their own right,

For together they form a constellation called life…..

He is funny, superbly so, has the makings of a legend,

He is intelligent, without intimidation,

He is amiable, never overcooked, never overdone,

He is the first of the starry six-pack.

He can make one laugh, but he makes me cry too,

He can be wildly pricey, seldom a smile for me,

Always putting me down for my lack of humour,

But then he is the one who reads my crap, never saying no.

She is the Miss Smart Pants; she is the one with the dimples,

She is the one who made me an addict to Grey’s,

She is concerned, always beyond her means, beyond her heart’s reach,

She is the second of the starry six-pack.

Always a slave to her hearts desire, sensuous at will,

But she is always the mistress of my heart-beats,

She fills my life with faith, straight from the textbook,

She is the one who tirelessly encourages me…. The love of my life.

He is the brains; he is all about the smarts,

He is the man for smooth talks, ladies and the combination,

The funny man with a bull’s eye for humour,

He is one for the future, for history, and for the present.

But he is Mr. Pricey, always dancing on his own tunes,

He is Mr. Exaggeration, cooking stories about me,

Always trying to embarrass me, stubbornness his hallmark,

He is my room-mate, my confidante, my third starry six-pack…..

She is Miss Confidence; she is Miss Do-It-All-Do-It-Right,

She has will, supreme courage and madness combined,

Always right, all the time; she always works on her own terms,

She is the Mighty Heart; she is the fourth starry six-pack.

She is my backbone, my biggest supporter,

She screams and sets me right; she is Agony Aunt par excellence,

A force of nature; workaholic forever, her fame runs wide and wild,

She is my soul mate, my favourite person on earth……

He is an icon, my ideal, my guru,

Always teaching me a thing or two,

He is Mr. Intellectual, his opinion counts forever,

He knows respect and admiration; he is the fifth starry six-pack.

He does not set the standards, he is the standard,

He knows of his influence, and he uses it well,

He is not funny, he knows it, and that makes him funny,

He is the one who will change the world; he is a man with a mission.

Sh is the final starry six-pack, the one who makes roses rosy,

She has some attitude, unbearable at times,

Her smile is sweet, her hugs warm,

But then again, she is the devil, but not the one in Prada…..

Her temper is strong, tantrums aplenty, her silent treatments are worse….

She takes care of me, pampering me now and then,

And then she punches me with her words, when it’s my bad,

She is pal I always wanted.... the one for all occasions.

So here are the starry six-pack,

You now know of my blessings,

They are my highs and my lows,

They are the starry six-pack….. My life, my best friends…

"I have always believed in numbers, in the equations and logic that lead to reason, and after a lifetime of such pursuits I ask what truly is logic? Who decides reason? My quest has taken me through the physical, to the meta physical to the delusional and back. And I have made the most important discovery of my career, the most important discovery of my life, that it is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logic or reason may be found, am only here tonight because of you, you are the reason I am, you are all my reasons. Thank you."

John Nash, 1994 Nobel Prize Ceremony

STATIC

Life gets static, and we never realise,
Life gets stuck, and we seldom think why,
So engrosed are we with percieved challenges,
We forget ourselves, and when we fall in the quick sand,
We realise that life has fallen static and so have we.
It takes that one moment for us to realise,
That one step, that one blow of wind,
It alerts us of the onging slow avalanche,
Yet we never take note of it,
Yet we unguard ourselves time and again.
And when failure strikes, deep into our flesh,
We scream in pain, silently, away from prying eyes,
And that is the time when we know we are still at the same place,
Stuck in the past, just as we were,
And the pain is not about the failure, it is about being static.
And then we look back, solemly, with some determination,
We realise that the roadblaocks were the same,
That our nemesis has not changed,
That the defeats came at the same juncture, at the same cost,
And that we have not really learnt much from them, ever....
Static as ever!

I MISS THE 90's

I miss the simple life,
The simple times and
The ever more fluid feel of life,
The 90's seem distant,
Magical, ethereal, somewhat really friendly,
I miss the 90's, I miss my life.

I miss the times when we were not wired,
When facebook never existed, and hotmail just began and we wondered,
When computers were big and broad,
And Bajaj and Maruti is all we saw,
And 118NE, Padmini and Contessa's were luxury,
I miss the 90's and I miss that life.

I miss the simple pleasures of that decade,
When a chocolate made me scream excited,
And Sachin was cute with curly hair, and not sexy with a stubble,
When Paes and Bhupati played together and won together,
And when we rejoiced at a Kabaddi gold in the Asian Games,
I miss the 90's and its specialness.

I miss the tennis of the 90's, when clothes were white,
When Ford sponsored The Aussie Open, its background all blue,
When Graf, Seles and Sanchez romanced the courts,
When Sampras jumped and smashed and lept his way to glory,
And Agassi was the rock star with a style of his own,
And when the Spice Girls ruled the courts, I miss I miss.....

I long for the television of the 90's,
From 'Hip Hip Hurray' to 'F.R.I.E.D.S' to 'Hum Paanch',
From 'Ramayan' and 'Mahabharat' and 'Mowgli',
And then there was 'Potli ka Baba' and 'Disney Hour' every Sunday,
When Derek O' Brien quizzed us with fun and frill,
I miss the 90's and all that it brought.

I miss the ad's of the 90's, they were innocent and warm,
The Cadbury's brought 'Kya Baat Hai Zindagi Mein',
And Pepsi gave us Ash in hot red lipped Sanju,
When dhara made 'Jalebiiii' a national dessert,
And 'Desh Raag' and 'Mile Sur Mera Tumhara' brought us to a standstill,
I long for the 90's and all that it meant.

I miss what we wore in the 90's,
When tight jeans were in vogue,
And it was fashionable to wear denim shirts,
When guys wore loose t-shirts over stiff par of jeans,
And it was daring to wear mini-skirts,
AH! The 90's.........

The 90's were special, it made my life what it is,
When pleasures were simple and sweet, and the rat race was not so terrifying,
When small measures were big, when togetherness was what mattered,
And we still were proud of our little achievements,
I like the new millenium, but something is missing,
I miss the 90's, mostly because it was lively and had a life.

I AM DIFFERENT

I lay naked in my pool of shame,
Stoned by questions many,
I am drenched in the colour red,
Injuries of dignity reside on my heart,
And I cry for I am different……..

I swim uphill forever,
Against the tide and against the volume,
Is that a challenge to the order?
If yes then I am proud of myself,
If yes then I am proud of the questions posed….

Love knows no distinctions,
Love cannot be loved while on the fence forever,
I thus refuse to never be on the fence ever,
I wish to love; I wish to be loved,
Then why are you punishing me for love?

I have loved in silence,
I have loved one who doesn’t know of me…
It is punishment enough for me,
Let me be, please for I am a human….
Let me be please for my heart bleeds.

Yes, I am different; I am not one of you,
But then again I am still one of us,
I live; I breathe, love and contribute…
Let me be for I am truly proud of my choices…
For I choose to be different…..

BEYOND CERTAIN BORDERS……. BEYOND A FEW BOUNDARIES…………..

The world lives through borders,
Our country believes in borders,
And, lives weaken on boundaries,
So does religion, so does love and so does peace……..

Borders are definite yet unreliable,
Borders are meant to stop, but,
They do less…..very less for the true wanderer,
For, they are obstacles we wish to traverse,
For, they are rules we aspire to bend.

We equate borders and boundaries,
They are one and the same but are different too,
Do you feel the same?
Borders may separate nations and land,
But, boundaries distance you and me…………..

Borders and boundaries have been created to protect,
Shelter us from harm and fury,
But, then do we need this fortification? Does death recognise borders?
Does love understand confines? Does hatred acknowledge boundaries?
So, are we guarding ourselves from love, or hatred or death?

If love is what we despise, if hatred and death is what we are troubled from,
Let me tell you dear friend,
Love does fly, death can crawl and hate is capable of travel,
Far and wide, through comfort and sorrow,
For no border can stop them, then who are you and me?

Borders can never stop the meeting of the destined,
Borders can never prevent the fated distress,
People will meet now, here and today,
They will share, emotions and views, later and tomorrow,
Because isolated we die, because secluded we become stagnant.

Let’s talk about boundaries now,
Between you and me, involving them and there,
Distinctions may just be many, languages may just vary,
But hearts are truly the same,
For first we are humans, and then may we be a race.

You may cry on an affair, which could sadden me,
I might laugh on a joke you may well just smirk on,
You might be angry on something; I might just be ruffled for the same,
But does that differ us as humans?
We still are the same, in flesh and in blood…….

Then, why the borders? Then, why the boundaries?
Boundaries may just exist, borders have to stay,
So, let’s open them in spirit if not in letter,
Let’s live not in irreverence of borders, and,
In acceptance of boundaries.

For we will exist, for we have to survive,
For we must care, for we have to love,
Because when we stop to love and care, we no longer remain humans,
And what are borders without humans,
And what are boundaries without feelings,
We do live our lives contained in borders, but life is best bereft of boundaries.

YOU ARE THE WRONG KIND OF RIGHT

Life it seems plays its own tunes, its own games,
He never plays by the rules,
Neither is he constrained by emotions,
But he creates a right,
And then he creates a wrong,
And then he plays a cruel joke on us,
When we fall for the wrong kind of right.

Life is ruthless, life is unemotional,
And he goes sometimes even further,
But he makes us emotional, gullible and sentimental,
We see 'That Someone' and fall on our knees,
And life never warns us that that he is not the right one,
So we fall for him, 'The One' in our eyes,
And he is the wrong kind of right.

Yes you are the one for me,
The very wrong kind of right,
You are wierdly enticing,
With that slighly curved smile and brown eyes,
You know of your charm, you use it well,
You know I like you and you employ it good,
You are the Mr. Right but the wrong kind of right.

I hate your guts, your arrogance,
You are a prey to every male malady,
You are vain, proud, have an attitude and demanding,
But i fidn them completely alluring,
I am a girl very sure of herself,
But your self assurance makes me look weak,
You are so the Mr. Right, but I am in the wrong.

You know my likings,
You know my choices,
You know I see you the way no one does,
And you hit the soft spots when it matters to me,
Yet you act just as I hate,
Yet you choose choices which are not mine,
You see, you are the Mr. Right but the wrong Mr. Right.

You hit on me incessantly,
You get cosy on tender moments,
You flirt publicly without shame,
You confuse me with hot and cold,
Yet when it comes to making it offcial,
You hold back oh so severly,
You are the Mr. Right but it seems not for me.

So today I choose, choose between right and wrong,
I choose for myself rather than for you,
You are a heart breaker,
The diamond one wants but can't afford,
You are heavebly attractive yet you dont call me enticingly,
You may be Mr. Right but you are not mine,
I fell for you, the wrong kind of right.

LOVE… LOVING IN ABSOLUTE SILENCE….

I fell in love but never disclosed it,
I fell in love yet never shouted off rooftops,
It remains in me, locked in my heart,
Unspoken off, unheard off,
Shocked as I was, I never knew I would,
Fall in love, ever…..

In silence I have lived my life,
In stillness I have remained ecstatic,
And now I am in love and I remained quiet.
The sudden rush of winds swept me off,
And I was taken aback,
How could you change for my eyes?

Change… Change is the only word constant in our lives,
And you were first an acquaintance,
You were disregarded by me, and I was by you….
Then midway you became a friend,
Your jokes took me warmly, your laugh rung wonderful,
Slowly small talk moved to heart to heart…..

And one day, you turned up at my doorstep,
Unannounced, inhibited, drenched in rain and more…
I laughed at your plight, as you just looked on,
Innocence unknown to me was all over you,
That very moment I gave my heart away,
And you suddenly became the centre of my life, replacing me.

And now, I can’t say anything to you,
When you touch me it makes my day,
When you laugh with me, I reach heaven,
And when you devote some of your time to me, I remain indebt.
I want to tell you but you seem to love someone else,
And all this while I remain silent….

Everyday what I wish is a true glimpse of yours,
Everyday a moments laughter makes me swing on rainbows,
And everyday a touch of yours on my soft shoulders is hoped,
I remain in love and in silence…
I am not complaining but I am in distress,
I am in love in silence and all I want is to tell……

ECSTACY UNKNOWN……. AND SOME LOVE

As the first rain of the season trickles down the seams of my shirt,
A shiver passes through my stream,
My skin seizes in pain unknown,
And it seems you have just touched me…..

Your skin is soft and mellow,
Your touch is sensuous yet hard,
You are warm and it shows….
Yet, as the rain seeps through me
You are no where to be seen…………

It just seemed that your warm thin lips kissed my neck,
That your hands pushed my hair and touched my bare back,
And your fingers carelessly caressed my waist,
And I firmly held on to you as you held on to me……

You disrobe me of my armour,
I let go off it as you turn me towards you,
You disarm me of my self
As I separate me from my modesty….
I suddenly become all yours and only yours.

The rain keeps pounding on us,
It picks in volume and lashings,
My fingers run through your chest,
And I wholly submit myself to your will…. My will it seems.

You speak words of love and affection to my ears,
And my soaked lips part in a smile,
I look up and seek courage; the next steps are difficult…
As I take my first steps in love,
I realise that these seem to be your first too…..

With a steady motion you disregard my clothes unhurried,
I stand still; I stand naked in front of you…..
I was undressed in thought, I was bare in action and I was undisguised in my soul,
And you embraced me in ecstasy.

You were kind in love,
You were ruthless in elation,
Your lips called me in tender moments,
Your eyes caught me in storms many,
And I wilted in you, for that moment was one… for we were one.

And as suddenly, as you had come,
You left me in cold…
I sat alone in the rain,
Undone, as my soul drenched itself in blood.

I stand here today,
Waiting for you… waiting to be with you,
And I am here today,
The night in the rain remains with me,
For it was ecstasy unknown, for it was love unknown.

‘I DO MY BEST'

You are the one I love,
And I have been loving you for a while, five years maybe,
I have been quiet about it,
You have been oblivious about it,
Yet I kept loving you.

If I am Jules, then you are my Romeo,
Yet we never have met,
I see you from a distance and I love you,
Constancy has been my endeavour, my hallmark,
And I have loved you all along....

She, my best friend, asks me forever,
Why am I in love with you,
He, my criminal in arm, begs me to stop,
To stop giving pieces of me to you,
Yet I don’t listen to them, and I go on loving you.

Yes, it has been five years, long time....
And I still seem to be madly in love with you,
Ten days to go before we begin new lives,
I come to your room and give you a gift,
A diary of memories, of mine and yours....

You smile, and you flip through it,
My eyes water down, we might never meet again,
You give me a reluctant hug, intimacy never your forte,
And as I turn to leave you say- 'Thank you for loving me'.......
I nod and reply 'I do my best', close the door behind me and shed a tear........

I truly did my best......

MOVING ON ALONE......

Maybe it is time, maybe it is not,
But then we never realise when it is time,
Time to love, time to leave, time for truth or lie,
Time to hate, time to breathe or live......
But we just do, we just act, on impulse, and so am I,
I am moving on...... Alone!

I am not alone, I have me,
This is no story from a book,
This is life, and it is mine,
And I need to have it back,
Before I seem to loose myself,
Or before I turn to my grave.

As I turn back, and I turn often,
I see you smiling, that smile I loved,
But it somehow doesnt reach your eyes.... Somehow.
I wonder why, and I keep wondering,
The wind is behind my back, it is driving me up,
But all I do, all I want is to turn back, one last glimpse.....

The world keeps changing,
But my world is the same, static.
Cities have changed, a million gallons of water between us,
Yet when my name is called, all I want to see is you called me out,
I imagine, the loud call, a bit harsh, filled with gravity,
And I turned around, but it wasnt you... never you.

I close my eyes in the night, knowing you are up...
The other side of the world has you,
And here I am, with my family,
With all the love God may offer, but I cheat...every day,
And as I sleep towards another sleepless night,
You occupy my mind, my heart, my soul....... I cheat, every night.

I claim to have moved on, alone....
But I dont think I have, maybe I can never,
Maybe I never wanted to,
In my mind your hand is always with mine, you heart with me....always
And as the night turns to another day, I wake up...
Wide and alert, ready to move on.... Alone

(Somehow inspired by Ingrid Michaelson's 'Turn to Stone'.... somehow)

SMALL PLEASURES OF LIFE.........

In life pleasures are many,
Some come in leagues big,
Some come in packages small,
The big ones bring gigantic shocks and hefty surprises,
While the small ones are all about smiles and warmth.

Small pleasures are many and my favourite,
A hug from a friend on a day bland....
A kiss from your Ma, suddenly without any occasion,
A warm bath, ready without intimation, after a day's work,
These are small pleasures, of love and love alone.

Finding a chocolate in the fridge, dead in the night for a guilt free trip,
Hearing that one song on the radio awaited eagerly,
Finding that movie so wished for, on the cable finally,
A mid-morning snack so delightful that your heart jumps,
These are a few of my favourite small pleasures.

The laughter of your niece with eyes aglow,
A compliment from an acquaintance so warm,
A funny secret, long lost of a friend, spills finally,
A brush with your object of affection,
Some small pleasures, funny and romantic.

Waiting on facebook for that one wall post from that someone, finally arriving,
A cheeky comment on a picture worth a peels of laughter,
A sad joke cracked in hopes of laughter,
And meeting a friend, lost in the haze, in the cyber space,
Small pleasures, dear and our very own.....

A note on friendship suddenly given,
A smile shared with a friend not expected,
A pat on the back never thought,
A walk at 6 pm around the campus or,
Just a series of text messages in a class bored....

A drink shared over hybrid philosophy,
A bad omelet cooked with the expertise of a cook,
Football played inside the apartment,
Or being caught picking fruits by the neighbour,
Small pleasures... small yet large.

Small pleasures are many all about those tiny sentiments, hidden which are,
They may be small in expanse,
But, smiles they bring a lot and big,
They call on laughter, flourished with hearts alarge,
These might just be small pleasures, but big they are in love and in humour.