ABOUT ME

This post is for the British Airways Brand Ambassador Hunt for which I miraculously qualified. I really do not know why? Or how?

I have realised that I am fantastic accident of life. Things fall into place for me and I enjoy the successes and failures of life.

So about ME...

My Baba (my father), brought me up to have a mind of my own and to make my own choices. This has given me the courage to be different. I also believe that I thrive on this difference. While my peers at law school wanted to be the best corporate or litigation lawyers in India, I dreamt ceaselessly, of becoming India’s best author, surpass the legend of Amitav Ghosh, Jhumpa Lahiri, VS Naipaul and Salman Rushdie. I have always wanted to see myself amongst the greats in the world.

Words, I feel, define my very being. My love for literature stems from juggling words with which writers arrest descriptions and traverse the boundaries of humans; of language, caste, creed, culture, gender, status, stature, but above all, of nationality. Literature allows us to challenge our definitions of life and of others, question our prejudices, mull over the unlikely and associate with characters as diverse as the mystical Draupadi, the central heroine in Mahabharata in a Chitra Bannerjee saga or the confused American-Indian Gogol/Nikhil in a Jhumpa Lahiri sketch.

I realised in college that I have a way with words. Although my writing has always been appreciated by family and friends, it is only now that I have started taking myself seriously. It is now that I have learnt to value the behaviour of words, and their ability to craft intricate emotions with ease. There is a comfort in confronting your own thoughts and inspections for the readership of unfamiliar persons. I aspire to put forth my assessment of a lessened feature of an event and seeing how it imitates upon the greater whole of everyday life.

Only while writing did I realise the trickery of words and their ability to choose their own comrades. They chose me and I trusted them; knowing I would eventually be rewarded. I played with them, using them for the greater good, but never disrespected them.

They taught and I learnt well.

During my love affair with words, I have also found that of all the subjects, literature in particular is not only a productive ground for interdisciplinary application but has practical relevance in other fields too. As a writer I hope to unite audiences with the beauty and power of the written word, focusing on helping them filter their own values, to establish their potential and find their niche in the world.

The Scindia School and ILS Law College taught me few important lessons in life. When I entered both the institutions I did not know my limitations neither did I know of the boundless opportunities of life. In Scindia School I realised my limitations as a tennis player; that I would not win every match I played but as an eleven year old I also realised that there were endless opportunities for me if I chose into work hard. Consequently I made it to the school team for four straight years. In ILS I realised early on that I was not destined to be a lawyer; that I was not natural as a mooter but I could juggle with parliamentary debates and writing with some skill. I was educated in the fact that though I could not seek justice as a lawyer but I could very well create a space for equality and justice as a writer.


What I lacked in skill, I more than made up in ambition and dreams. Since my teens I set myself to achieve unthinkable targets.

Some of them are adventurous.

Example: Visiting a far flung country annually for a month after I turn 28.

Some are unnatural.

Example: I wanted to be a professional Tennis player. Though this remains an unrealised dream, I did nevertheless try, and found myself playing at the national level for a few years….

And, some are uncommon fantasies….

Example: To win the Oscars, the Booker Prize and the Rhodes Scholarship.

I try to live my life with initiative and I am convinced that being a writer is a logical next step towards a career. Being a writer will provide me with an opportunity of using literature to inspect individual prejudices and determine unsuspected common grounds with them, thus bridging a span as wide as that between my Baba (my father) and myself.

Then there is the question of competition from the applications you will receive. While I respect competition, I am not in awe of it, for I believe that we live out our lives on a threshold. Six days a week, ten hours a day, we're together more than we are apart from our competitors.

Should one have an open mind, there is much one can learn from them.

A few lessons that I have picked along the way are:

Number one: Always keep score.

Number two: Do whatever you can to outsmart the other person.

Number three: Don't make friends with the enemy.

Number four: Everything is competition. Whoever said winning wasn't everything, never went to Law School.

Yet there is another way to survive this competition. Nobody however seems to be talking about the alternative approach. One that has to be learnt on our own; the most important lesson of all…….

Number Five: “It's not about the race at all”

There are no winners or losers. Victories are counted by the number of lives we touch. And if you are smart, the life you save and make a difference in, could well be your own. I am making a difference to my life here. I am giving myself a voice, an opportunity to foray into a field unknown to me.

Here, I stand victorious.

Yeats famously said “In dreams begin responsibilities”. I have lived my life with the same passion. I have dreamt of a lot of things, being the Brand Ambassador being one of them; possibly the biggest of them all. With every dream that I have dreamt I have taken care to take responsibility of making them come true. I dreamt of becoming a journalist, I did a slew of internships as a student reporter while my peers were running around the hallways of the many courts India hosts. I have dreamt of becoming a writer, I went ahead and filled two hundred pages with words which defined me. Consequently it became my first failed attempt at a novel. Undeterred I ventured ahead and began writing my second novel.

In my dreams began my responsibilities.

To get to the stars, one needs to believe in - Citius, Altius, Fortius; but without courage none of these qualities ever come to anything; without courage nothing can ever be conquered. Thus, what I lacked in intellectual prowess; I covered the distance with courage, hard work, my burning ambition and ability to dream big. Since my teens I set myself to achieve unimaginable targets. People are defined by the things they choose. I chose to define myself with my dreams. My dreams are the essence of my life.

If you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two impostors just the same………

Rudyard Kipling

RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME

My parents are everything to me and as I come from a insular nuclear family of three, I call us the Three Musketeers.

I love to write and strongly believe that it is my biggest and only talent I have. I would love to be a writer someday.

I dream through out the day.

I want Mira Nair to direct me in my first movie as an actor. I want to direct Ranbir Kapoor in my first movie as a director.

I love, absolutely love award ceremonies.

I am in love, completely in love with Penelope Cruz, and one day would love to do a role like Maria Elena.

My best meals are always in the company of Apoorv, Deep, Kathya, Praneeta, Shamika, Preeti and Pranay (that is when he makes his guest appearances in our lives). It is true that I somehow cannot get angry at them and that I laugh when I am supposed to get angry and my life does revolves around them in Pune and I hate that about myself.

I am so into cooking. I make amazing pakoras and chicken curry.

I cannot imagine debating with anyone other than Apoorv because he just knows me when it comes to debating.

I want to become a quieter person but it is next to impossible.

I hope to work in New York one day.

I act when I am alone at home, after taking a particular scene from a movie.

Even though Sania Mirza hasn’t won a Grand Slam (singles) I know she will do so in the next few years. I love her game. I also believe that she will win the Wimbledon singles one day no matter what people say.

My dream is to be on the Oscar stage winning the statuette, winning the Booker Prize and act with or direct Meryl Streep and Mira Nair.

I do not understand the concept of morning or night person, I am none of the two. If I have to wake up I have to wake up, no two options about it.

I have gotten use to the idea of my name being mispronounced.

I am in love with the idea of being a superstar actor who happens to have won the Oscars, Golden Globes etc.

When people talk of their favourite actors the only name comes to my mind is that of Meryl Streep because I feel she can single handedly outdo any actor from any generation.

I do maintain a diary.

I love poetry and write about people who I can not talk about in real life just to let it out.

I am mostly inspired by women and I dont know why?

I knew how to play the violin once and would love to get back to it one more time.

I am scared of ocean water since I saw Titanic, I am scared of heights since 9/11 where people jumped off the towers to save themselves and I am scared of speed since i met with my own scooter accident.

I love to fly, and everything to do with airplanes and airports. I clutch my seat and my co passengers at times when the flight lands or takes off, I also say a little prayer before the flight takes off and lands. Crazy! I know!

I believe JK Rowling and Jhumpa Lahiri are the only authors worth reading time and again, everytime.

I get paranoid when i am alone but at times I do enjoy the solitude.

I always dream of being the academic topper but just cannot be somehow.

I love to dance alone.

NOTES FROM MY LIFE

NOTES ON MY LIFE

1. 1995
I score an 82 in my Maths exam. I am over the moon, so is my Ma for she cannot believe, as can I, that I found my way around numbers. But then my Baba comes home for lunch, goes through my answer script, smirks, ruffles my hair and says I could have scored another 10 marks in the paper.


At seven, my Baba taught me not to give myself certificates unless they are warranted.


2. 1998
I am at Gujrat Sports House in Ahmedabad crying openly in the shop wanting that Yonex Tennis racquet worth 3000 rupees. My Baba resolutely refuses, keeps looking for a substitute while my Ma holds my hands, never once consoling me. After an hour of needless drama from my side, I emerge out of the shop with a racquet less than half the price of the desired Yonex racquet, less fancy but good enough for a decent novice player like me.


At ten, I was taught that all demands may just remain demands and not all demands would demand a conversion to results.


3. 1999
I am being shipped off to the Scindia School, and I am off to another shopping spree for the long list of demands that a boarding school stay requires. I never till then owned a Nike, Reebok or Adidas. Never ever demanded one, but on that day my Baba takes me to this fancy shop and as a eleven year old my dream comes true when he buys me my first Reebok shoe. Before that day the closest I had come to a fancy shoe was playing with a guy next to me on the court with him slipping effortlessly into one.


At eleven, I learnt that sometimes patience is a virtue and what you secretly wish for might just come true when the moment is opportune enough for it to materialise. At eleven, I learnt to wait......


4. 2002
Boarding school, Grade 9, I am struggling academically and socially. Help is at hand through not from any friend. I am to blame for it all, and my Baba patiently heard my cries, he did his part, explaining me through it all, speaking to my ever helpful Housemaster but if there was something to be done it had to be done by me.


At fourteen, I was taught that a clap requires both hands, that I was to be responsible for my own actions, and that whatever age, a mess created by you has to be cleaned by you and no one else.


5. 2004
Academics is at all an all time low. My Baba seems to have given up, I don’t know where to head, but my Ma keeps giving me that unflinching look of encouragement every morning when I head to school and every afternoon when I come home. In the end 2005 brings good news....


At 16, I learnt that there is always that one person who is your bedrock, the foundation of all your strength and these people come from the unlikeliest of quarters. As for me my Ma could never have been a positive person but somehow she showed encouragement, not in words but in her aura. At sixteen, I learnt my Ma is my strength and that we all have one, just around the corner.


6. 2005
My first academic success, 12th Grade brings me a cool 90%. My Baba is happy, my Ma is ecstatic but I am just about glad that the whole exercise is over.


At seventeen, I realised that an achievement long awaited or long deserved or long overdue brings relief rather than excitement, that the relief always consequences in humbleness which is always desired.


7. 2006
My first year of Law in Pune, my first year with an independent bank account and in three months I have blown a hole through a big deposit which my Baba has placed. Three months in I realised my folly and I ask him to take the excess fat off my account. He refuses... Point blank.


At eighteen, my Baba taught me the value of money, the value of saving and the value of hard work for money. At eighteen, I learnt that it is easy to spend, difficult to earn, and that to teach a few valuable lessons a parent does not mind losing money, as long as the message reaches the right ear.


8. 2007
One of my best friend, who happens to be my mentor, my guide, my icon decides to leave college at the end of the first year. He transfers to a college in Mumbai. I am angry and act out for a long time, not understanding why he did this. I wonder for over a year what has happened in my life though we still kept in touch constantly.


At nineteen, my best friend taught me that a few decisions are tough to make, and tough decisions are generally sound decisions and that sacrificing today’s happiness for tomorrow’s success needs no validation except from the heart of the decision maker.


9. 2007
My first year in an apartment while sharing it with two friends. One disses my existence while the other hates me on my face. I am shocked, I don’t know how to react, how to live in a world where I am not liked at all, not that I am strange to this situation. But I manage, and by the time the following year rolls by I know I have made a friend while I am at peace with the other.


At nineteen, I realise that I won’t be loved by one and all, no matter how hard I try.


10. 2007
He is in love, I see that everyday. She is his best friend but does not realise the depth of his feelings. A point comes when she does; the friendship remains on the fence but never goes beyond. But he still loves her, knowing he will never ever get her, but he still continues to love her.


At nineteen, I was educated that no one falls out of true love, and the ones who do, never ever fell in love in the first place……


11. 2008
After a year of silent disassociation, my best friend and I reconcile in silence. After a year of constant let downs, another best friend blesses me with some sense and good sense does indeed prevail. After a year of hopeless arguments, my third best friend and I bury our past for a new beginning. And due to the proactiveness of another friend we turn and find ourselves on the same page.


At twenty, I leant that no matter the distance, if you are best friends distance will merely remain a word in the dictionary.


12. 2008
He is a fabulous professor, but he is blind. So all we do in his class is plug in music and talk amongst ourselves or do our own thing in silence, never ever listening to his treasure trove of knowledge he has to offer. But not my friend. He would sit up straight, no matter what the distraction, discuss the subject earnestly, and not ever give a single stand-in attendance, not even for his best friends.


At twenty, he taught me that we should never, under any circumstances, no matter what the consequences agree to take advantage of a disability, respect knowledge and specially the one who gives us the knowledge. At twenty, he taught me how shallow I had become and that even in the midst of his best friends he had the courage to stand up for what he felt was right, be unapologetic about it and live his life the way he wanted to.


13. 2009
I am in my fourth year, with friends, it is an established company but no ones really thinks high off me. No one expects anything great from me. I am quiet nameless and faceless. And come one day and I win a friendly poker tournament amongst seven friends, who have been playing for a long while. Everyone is surprised; no one acknowledges my skill, instead raving about my luck. But I know that it was luck with some skill which brought me the big pot.... But no one acknowledges the skill at work.


At twenty-one, I realised that it is a heavenly feeling to be an underdog, that it is ecstasy to constantly surprise people and that it is important to underplay yourself. At twenty-one, I just about realised that it is also important that I don’t drown myself in other people’s perceptions for they are just perceptions, like dust they fly off... And all they need is a brush off, just so that they don’t settle on and leave scars.

THE WIND BENEATH YOUR WINGS

I am here to hold your hand,
In rain, in the dark, and under the sun.....
I am here to see you succeed, to be your soul...
To live your dreams, when some of them dont exist.

I will hold you close to my heart,
Knowing that what you wish for
Can be done, can be achieved....
I will show you the way.

I will hold the candle, while you stride,
The destination is yours, the win is in you,
You have the wings, of scarlet and gold,
And I am the wind beneath your wings......

LOVE, FAITH AND INSPIRATION…….

In my first moments of triumph I counted on my companions,
In this moment of joyous victory, I wished for myself to surrounded……….
When my name was called, I rolled my head back and then took my first walk.
This was my victory dance, as I stood for the world to gaze at me at awe.
In this moment I was surrounded alright but I longed for my companions…
And disappointment was not for me, for I was blessed with their presence.

I wished for Love to be present while I won,
And Love was there with me, he had his arms around me.
Life is all about love for without him I could never glow as the sun wishes me to,
And without love parched I would remain… and a winner is never parched.

I prayed for Faith to be in attendance and they were answered…
For Faith stood with me; clutching my hand as I took my momentary bow………
What is life without a single trace of faith and what living without life?
She gave me an opportunity of victory; she gave me an opportunity to be a winner….

And finally I hoped for Inspiration to beckon my spirits in the destined moment,
He came…. Inspiration arrived and filled my heart with warmth.
For inspiration is the spring of my life, he is the autumn of my breath,
And, he came and swept me with an air of victory, and yes victor I was………….

BACK FROM THE DEAD

She lay gazing at the stars,
Hoping to find his face amongst them,
Wanting to see his eyes,
Feel his glare, his being....
And understand his vision.

And then she finds him,
She mentally re-arranges the stars,
She discovers that pronounced chin she adores,
The sunken cheeks, that stark forehead,
She realises his lips, his smile.... always crooked, a little.

She closes her eyes,
Knowing now that he is by her side,
Looking out for her from above,
Within her, in her being,
She knows now, the two are inseparable.

Her hands lift up, wet with the grass dew,
And she strokes his face,
She smiles, her cold touch turns warm,
She feels his body, close, warm, cosy,
And she knows, she knows... herself and him.

He lies, next to her, his hand on her head,
He plants a soft peck on her closed eyes,
Ans she wraps her arms around him,
She knows he is there,
Even if he is invisible, even when he is not there.

The night passes through,
The sun replaces the stars,
The darkness goes, the hollow white clouds in her place,
And she opens her eyes to the blinding brightness,
Alas..... the dream is broken...

And so she returns to her work,
Her children, his house,
For come night, come darkness, and the stars,
She shall lay on the grass, waiting for him,
For he will return from the dead for her.... one more time.

LOVE IMPOSSIBLE

His hair is ruffled, unruly.... yet it is soft and smooth,
But there is a certain calm in the storm, a quietness.
As I run my fingers through them.........
The stillness in me awakens.
I had them over my knees last night,
He laid them on me as we chatted away with our friends.
It felt good, important, close....
To him, his aura, his being.
And then he abruptly turned his face....
His fair stubbled cheeks rushed on my skin,
I winced, currents of pleasure ripped through me.
The end of his lips, thin, red and soft,
Found me, they fell delicately on my hips, I am taken aback....
I close my eyes, oh how I wish it remains like this.
He looks up at me, I like the attention,
I see his brown eyes, a laughter rising in them.
He recognizes my anxiety, and so he pulls me,
His hands, perpetually warm, burn through me.
He kisses my cheeks, my senses flare.
His fingers rush through my hair,
And I flow in this ecstasy, it is known to me... somehow.

Suddenly, it is morning, the sun warms through,
The sleep is disrupted, the dream is broken.....
And I see him blissfully sleeping next to me,
But the ecstasy remains a dream, for our love is impossible.